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"THE PERFECT FATHER"
INTRODUCTION: POSING THE QUESTION In chapter 15 of Luke, Jesus gave three parables to illustrate our relationship to God. The last of those parables, we call the ‘prodigal son’, and this parable places God in the role of the father. Since God is the model of the father, it is a model of the ‘perfect’ father. Men, we see some good fathers on this earth, but this is a rare chance to see the ‘perfect’ father.
We find Him in a story of foolishness and forgiveness. But most of all, dads, it is a story of legacy. And we really need to hear this dads. Why? -Because every father will pass on something to his children. Even the men who choose to run away from their fatherhood- believe me, they are still passing something on. If nothing else, it is a message of abandonment and lack of value to that child.
But in the interest of being a good father, let’s tighten our definition a little bit. For the sake of today, let’s define a legacy as- that which leaves a positive influence in the life of your offspring. –And that definition brings us to the question of the day- What is the real inheritance in this story? Or to put it another way- What is the legacy of the “perfect” dad?
As we walk through this parable and learn about the “perfect father” and his family; some of the realities are not what we expect at all. Luke 15:11-32 11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. 13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. 17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 20 So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' 22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. (NIV) A. WHAT WE FIND Here’s the first surprising reality:
Then what makes the perfect father, perfect? As we walk along side the perfect father, we begin to realize- What makes the perfect father is not raising the perfect child; it is planting the perfect seed in that child.
A number of years ago, I was having one of those- in the car as your driving- conversations with one of my daughters. She was quite struck with a certain young man and asked my opinion. And she was quite candid about his background and his good and bad points. I had met the young man and I told her- I like this young guy. He is charming, keeps himself well, and he was quite talented in certain areas. And of course, he showed his best side. But I said- Discerning from what you have told me…the upbringing and family situation you have described, I believe this fellow will cause you great misery in a relationship. And it will happen for one reason- no one has given him the living skills- for genuine love, for relationships, the slightest vision of the God who has designed him for a purpose- it’s all missing. –No one planted that seed. And sure enough, since no one planted, weeds grew in this young man’s soul instead. So, despite all the potential that was there, he is literally dying, choked off in those self-destructive weeds.
I’m no prophet; it’s “planting 101.” If you don’t sow, it can’t grow. And whatever we do plant, dads –intentional or unintentional- will grow. It will grow in our sons… and our daughters. Listen to this insight from Dr. James Dobson: Long before a girl finds her first real boyfriend or falls in love, her attitude toward men has been shaped quietly by her father. Why? -Because the father-daughter relationship sets the stage for all future romantic involvements.
If a young woman’s father rejects her, she’ll spend her life trying to find a man who can meet the needs he never fulfilled in her heart. If he’s warm and nurturing, she’ll look for a lover to equal him. If he thinks she’s beautiful and feminine, she’ll be inclined to see herself that way. But if he rejects her as unattractive and uninteresting, she’s likely to carry self-image problems into her adult years.
It’s also true that a woman’s relationship with her husband is significantly influenced by the way she perceived her father’s authority. If he was overbearing or [unpredictable] during her earlier years, she may precipitate power struggles with her husband throughout married life. Bur if Dad blended love and discipline in a way that conveyed strength, she may be more comfortable with a give-and-take marriage characterized by mutual respect. So much of what goes into marriage starts with the bride’s father. The dynamics are different, but the same principle holds for your sons. Your fatherhood plants the initial image… of self, of relationships, and of God… GOD, our Heavenly Father. Fatherhood affects your child’s present life, their future life, and their eternity.
Will you make mistakes? Sure you will. Can a child overcome them? Sure they can. God has built remarkable resilience into children. And they have their own will and minds so ultimately; they are responsible for their own lives. Even so, the question remains for you, Dad: Will your children turn out, (or fail)- because of- or despite your fathering?
Did you notice this as our story opened- the son asks for his inheritance- and the father doesn’t offer any resistance at all! Granted, it was not unusual in Hebrew culture for a father to divide up his inheritance before his death. But the idea was to put his sons in charge so he could effectively retire. But that’s not the case here. The son wanted money to abandon his responsibilities- and dad knew this. He was going to blow it foolishly- and dad knew this. So why did he so readily give it? The only logical answer is, because he knew his son.
There seems to be two types of kids in this world- the ones, whom you tell firmly- “don’t touch the hot stove”- and they listen; and the type, that will never listen until they manage to singe their little fingers. The “perfect father” knew his son was the latter type. He had done everything in his power to sow the good seed, but he knew it would never blossom… until his son “touched the hot stove.” That boy would scheme and be resentful until he managed to learn the hard way.
Please don’t get this wrong- this does not condone our children going out and making costly and potentially deadly mistakes. God does not condone “sowing our wild oats.” It is about knowing our children well enough to know what is most likely to blossom what is planted in them- and sometimes that involves some very hard, and very scary decisions- that was the case, even for “the perfect father.”
But for the hard decisions to be the right decisions, we must know our children. Even in the simple things, dad, how well do you know your child? Do you know their favorite color? -What are they most frightened of? -What do they love the most? What is the worst pressure in their life right now? How do they handle pressures? Where are they weakest, or strongest? The quality of your decisions cannot be any greater than the quality of your knowledge.
The perfect dad not only knew his child, he believed in him. –He might not grow up to be King David, but he could rise to the greatest worth in his own right.
A father in a living relationship with Christ, knows God creates with loving purpose. If a child is created with loving purpose, that means they have potential; if they have potential, then there is something to believe in- if the seed has been sown. Your child is not an “accident”. They are not an “inconvenience.” They are meant to be, literally- the glory of God’s plan unfolding. And they know- if you believe in them or not.
So how do we know the “perfect father” believed in his son? -Because, despite everything, years later, we have verse 20 “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him…” Dad was still keeping a look-out, still expecting his son to come to his senses.
And speaking of verse 20, look at dad’s reaction- "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” That’s some reaction to a wayward kid who just blew your money! Which leads to another reality…
3. The “perfect father” acts from the wisdom of what is needed, and not the emotion of what is deserved. By verse 22, knowledge of his child, wisdom, and compassion merge to create a powerful, long-term result. Catch this! The dad doesn’t even respond verbally to the son berating himself. In effect, the son was saying…
The father had a choice- his actions would come from one of two principles- give the son what he deserves, or give him what he needs. His actions would be founded on one or the other. Now, sometimes they are they same, but dads… many times, they are not.
Fatherhood based on what is simply deserved grows into icy judgment and a pattern of spiteful action, and ultimately rejection. On the other hand, giving what is needed never loses focus on the ‘big picture.’
Every dad who has held their newly born child in their arms has had a dream of what they might be. Fatherhood based on -what is needed- keeps the dream alive, as much at the end, as it was in the beginning.
But it isn’t always simple or easy- it involves discernment, knowledge, forgiveness, and sacrifice. But for the “perfect dad” it is what saved his son…
4. The “perfect father” builds a sense of genuine value into their child. Let me show you something subtle, but very important in verse 17. Some translations say, “when he came to his senses”. Others say “when he came to himself”. If the son simply “came to his senses”, that could imply he realized something new. But if he “came to himself”, that implies, all this time, he wasn’t living as the person he really was. He was better than that. What was planted in him was better than that- he just, finally realized it. And as it turns out, the literal translation from the Greek is “he came to himself” –“autos”.
He had separated himself… sinned against his father, but also against something else- “heaven.” “Ouranos” Here’s a great definition of the word- “the region of the spiritual citizenship of believers.” –That is who he really was. His real value was in his citizenship in God’s kingdom- finally, the seed began to sprout.
B. ANSWER TO THE QUESTION So back to the question: What was the father’s real legacy? It couldn’t be the wealth- that nearly ruined him. It couldn’t be the privileged education. And he would’ve had one. His father had a big business; he was undoubtedly trained to run it. The secret, dads, lies in verse 24- ‘For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' Jesus wasn’t given to dramatic embellishments- every word means something. So what does this joy mean from the “perfect father” mean?
The greatest tragedy of a son or daughter who lives a selfish life; a life of sharing their bodies recklessly; of failed marriages; of disappointing relationships… of living outside their potential and design… The greatest tragedy is not that they merely wasted their life, but that they have never really lived at all. –The wealth and the privilege were not the real inheritance of the father.
The true legacy was this- the father gave the model of what a “real man” looks like. He sowed the vision of a man alive in the purpose and presence of God- and ultimately, that is what saved his son’s life.
Our lives are the product of our character, our character is the product of our souls, our souls are sculpted by the spirit that fills them. Fathers, make no mistake- What becomes of our children’s lives is first and foremost, a spiritual matter. And God says our spiritual hope is in Jesus Christ, or there is no hope at all.
C. WHAT IT MEANS What does this mean to you, Dad? None of us will ever be the “perfect father”, but there is no way we will be complete fathers without Him as our main reference.
Dad’s let me ask you this question, before we wrap this up: If the seed you are planting now has its full effect- What will it cause your child to become –Not in a few years, not even by the end of life…but a thousand years from now- a citizen of heaven or hell?
“For this son of mine… [cries the perfect father] was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.” [What a great ending!]
Fathers, your legacy is the seed you sow- what… WHO are you sowing? |